Get a Hobby!
...this started off as merely a comment to the entry on Charismatic Professional’s site entitled "Because putting him on Blast on Maury Wasn't Enough..." (go check it out) and has now turned into an all-out post. Recently I have come in contact with quite a few women that fall into a few categories.
scenario #1…The “I Know How to Keep My Man” Woman
the other night in a public ladies room some where in Towson, MD I was standing over the sink minding my own business, washing my hands and singing Happy B-day in my head (that's how I make sure I wash my hands for 30 seconds minimum...hey cleanliness is next to Godliness folks, get with it!)....anyway, these two women come in and they are yapping away. Seeing as how they were talking extremely loud, probably due to the fact that they were a little tipsy, I couldn't help but overhear their convo. It went a little something like this:
girl 1: so when yall gonna start having kids? you need to do it soon.
girl 2: yeah i'm thinking we will in the next few months. i wanted to wait like 2 yrs, you know, when he finished school and had a good job and stuff like that..
girl1 : uh huh but that's too long girl, you need to start popping 'em out now.
(disgust is written all over my face at this point, as hard as I am trying to hold it back..I just can't)
girl 1 continues: yeah how is angie, she just had one right? you know having a baby is the only way to keep a man.. (they laugh) that's why you need to have one soon. girl i'm telling you!!
girl 2: yeah you right about that
scenario #2…The “A Gym is Cheaper Than a Baby” Woman
There's a young lady that I work with that has been dying to have a baby for the past 2 years that I have known her. This is all she talks about, and when a client comes into our office with a baby in tow she gets all googly eyed and the "aww I want a baby" song starts pouring from her lips. Two years is a long time to think, talk and wish for something...one would think then that you must have the bomb plan in order to obtain this goal...WRONG! Girlfriend has neither the bomb plan nor the bomb man to help with the plan. She currently is not in a significant relationship, but she is resilient yall...she gonna make it work without a man. What she HAS said is that she wants to get pregnant as soon as possible...and the father does not need to be a part of the baby's life. Well except for financially of course, bc she has admitted that "I will take his ass to court if he doesn’t pay" So, my thoughts are...damn the men she deals with must be dumb. Where on earth do you find a man, tell him "hey I just need to get knocked up…no hard feelings, you don't have to be a father just pay me each month" and he is cool with that? No man that I know would be down for that. Well this is the thing; she doesn't plan to discuss ANY of this with the guy prior to getting physical with him. And why not you ask...bc "duh...he wouldn't sleep with me if he knew" is her response. Oh my, and if that's not enough...let's take a look at this even deeper. I often wondered WHY this young lady would want to raise a child on her own if she didn't have to. Her reason (yes reason...just ONE) for wanting a baby is because she is BORED. And now I know some of you are reading this and thinking I am making this up...but I am being very honest with you...I can barely believe it myself. Of course, me being me I say "why not get a hobby...you know knitting is in these days? Or hell...join a gym if you're THAT bored". And I do not say any of this to be rude, but let's be for real here...this is not just YOUR life we are discussing...it's the FATHER'S life who will forever be changed although you never admitted your intentions to him, and even worse it's a baby's life that now is changed. This baby deserves to have a relationship with TWO parents. Yes, things happen...but why FORCE them to happen. Oh did I mention she has 3 roommates? Great environment for a baby…a sitter is never too far away. Anyway, moving on before I get mad...
scenario #3…The “I Should Have Done a Background Check” Woman
I used to work with another young lady as well…only she was expecting during the time I knew her. Over lunch one day she asked me about kids and did I want them etc. I said not until 30 at the earliest…there are still things I need to do to prepare. Her response was that 30 is way too old…“haha you will be ancient when your kids graduate from high school. I want to get it out the way early and be finish before 50.” Ok boo, hate to disappoint you but parenting lasts a lifetime…just because the kid has turned 18 does not mean your involvement is complete…shoot if that were the case my momma would not be buying my Lion King ticket…you know the one with the kinks lol. Anyway, my point is I couldn’t believe she was laughing at me for not wanting kids just yet. She proceeds to tell me that she met the child’s father in a club 6 months ago… and she was 3 months pregnant at the time of this talk (you do the math), and that they were no longer together bc “girl he’s a stalker”. Well uhh yeah, maybe if you got to know him a little better you would have found that out! (I swear I was trying to be nice…but it was hard. I mean hard as shit…these are the lives of helpless babies we are talking about…someone has to have their back!) So she said that she has not talked to him; will not return his calls and does not plan to etc…so later I found out by “stalker” she didn’t mean in the sense that she needed a restraining order…more so he just was a little overbearing. So I ask what’s your plan, do you want to work it out with him? You know for the sake of the baby of course? “naw girl…I don’t care, I may let him go to the doctors with me, but whatever.”
Now, by no means am I bashing single mothers (being the product of one, they definitely have a soft spot in my heart) and my intentions are not to be pretend as if I have it all together, bc I don’t…but let’s be frank here, this is just craziness…why do some women put themselves in a position to just “do it on their own”? Yes, women are known for their strength and their “make it work” attitudes, but this isn’t about being strong…this to me screams a lack of maturity. Being responsible for another’s life is an enormous task, and one to not take lightly. As I have said the entire time, things happen, we all know that…but to have a baby bc you are bored or bc you didn’t properly plan or even bc you think it will aid in keeping your man is just wrong. Lives will be affected bc of a selfish decision on your part. When did we become so haphazard about bringing life into this world. Some women plan their vacations better than they do childbearing. Maybe I view things differently, but I believe every child deserves to have 2 parents. It can be done with one, but there are such advantages to having a mother and a father ACTIVE in your life. Let’s not deprive our kids of that.
scenario #1…The “I Know How to Keep My Man” Woman
the other night in a public ladies room some where in Towson, MD I was standing over the sink minding my own business, washing my hands and singing Happy B-day in my head (that's how I make sure I wash my hands for 30 seconds minimum...hey cleanliness is next to Godliness folks, get with it!)....anyway, these two women come in and they are yapping away. Seeing as how they were talking extremely loud, probably due to the fact that they were a little tipsy, I couldn't help but overhear their convo. It went a little something like this:
girl 1: so when yall gonna start having kids? you need to do it soon.
girl 2: yeah i'm thinking we will in the next few months. i wanted to wait like 2 yrs, you know, when he finished school and had a good job and stuff like that..
girl1 : uh huh but that's too long girl, you need to start popping 'em out now.
(disgust is written all over my face at this point, as hard as I am trying to hold it back..I just can't)
girl 1 continues: yeah how is angie, she just had one right? you know having a baby is the only way to keep a man.. (they laugh) that's why you need to have one soon. girl i'm telling you!!
girl 2: yeah you right about that
scenario #2…The “A Gym is Cheaper Than a Baby” Woman
There's a young lady that I work with that has been dying to have a baby for the past 2 years that I have known her. This is all she talks about, and when a client comes into our office with a baby in tow she gets all googly eyed and the "aww I want a baby" song starts pouring from her lips. Two years is a long time to think, talk and wish for something...one would think then that you must have the bomb plan in order to obtain this goal...WRONG! Girlfriend has neither the bomb plan nor the bomb man to help with the plan. She currently is not in a significant relationship, but she is resilient yall...she gonna make it work without a man. What she HAS said is that she wants to get pregnant as soon as possible...and the father does not need to be a part of the baby's life. Well except for financially of course, bc she has admitted that "I will take his ass to court if he doesn’t pay" So, my thoughts are...damn the men she deals with must be dumb. Where on earth do you find a man, tell him "hey I just need to get knocked up…no hard feelings, you don't have to be a father just pay me each month" and he is cool with that? No man that I know would be down for that. Well this is the thing; she doesn't plan to discuss ANY of this with the guy prior to getting physical with him. And why not you ask...bc "duh...he wouldn't sleep with me if he knew" is her response. Oh my, and if that's not enough...let's take a look at this even deeper. I often wondered WHY this young lady would want to raise a child on her own if she didn't have to. Her reason (yes reason...just ONE) for wanting a baby is because she is BORED. And now I know some of you are reading this and thinking I am making this up...but I am being very honest with you...I can barely believe it myself. Of course, me being me I say "why not get a hobby...you know knitting is in these days? Or hell...join a gym if you're THAT bored". And I do not say any of this to be rude, but let's be for real here...this is not just YOUR life we are discussing...it's the FATHER'S life who will forever be changed although you never admitted your intentions to him, and even worse it's a baby's life that now is changed. This baby deserves to have a relationship with TWO parents. Yes, things happen...but why FORCE them to happen. Oh did I mention she has 3 roommates? Great environment for a baby…a sitter is never too far away. Anyway, moving on before I get mad...
scenario #3…The “I Should Have Done a Background Check” Woman
I used to work with another young lady as well…only she was expecting during the time I knew her. Over lunch one day she asked me about kids and did I want them etc. I said not until 30 at the earliest…there are still things I need to do to prepare. Her response was that 30 is way too old…“haha you will be ancient when your kids graduate from high school. I want to get it out the way early and be finish before 50.” Ok boo, hate to disappoint you but parenting lasts a lifetime…just because the kid has turned 18 does not mean your involvement is complete…shoot if that were the case my momma would not be buying my Lion King ticket…you know the one with the kinks lol. Anyway, my point is I couldn’t believe she was laughing at me for not wanting kids just yet. She proceeds to tell me that she met the child’s father in a club 6 months ago… and she was 3 months pregnant at the time of this talk (you do the math), and that they were no longer together bc “girl he’s a stalker”. Well uhh yeah, maybe if you got to know him a little better you would have found that out! (I swear I was trying to be nice…but it was hard. I mean hard as shit…these are the lives of helpless babies we are talking about…someone has to have their back!) So she said that she has not talked to him; will not return his calls and does not plan to etc…so later I found out by “stalker” she didn’t mean in the sense that she needed a restraining order…more so he just was a little overbearing. So I ask what’s your plan, do you want to work it out with him? You know for the sake of the baby of course? “naw girl…I don’t care, I may let him go to the doctors with me, but whatever.”
Now, by no means am I bashing single mothers (being the product of one, they definitely have a soft spot in my heart) and my intentions are not to be pretend as if I have it all together, bc I don’t…but let’s be frank here, this is just craziness…why do some women put themselves in a position to just “do it on their own”? Yes, women are known for their strength and their “make it work” attitudes, but this isn’t about being strong…this to me screams a lack of maturity. Being responsible for another’s life is an enormous task, and one to not take lightly. As I have said the entire time, things happen, we all know that…but to have a baby bc you are bored or bc you didn’t properly plan or even bc you think it will aid in keeping your man is just wrong. Lives will be affected bc of a selfish decision on your part. When did we become so haphazard about bringing life into this world. Some women plan their vacations better than they do childbearing. Maybe I view things differently, but I believe every child deserves to have 2 parents. It can be done with one, but there are such advantages to having a mother and a father ACTIVE in your life. Let’s not deprive our kids of that.
i def agree. 5 stars on this posting!
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Posted by
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12:48 AM
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